At The Movies

I’m sitting in between my man and some guy
When all of a sudden I feel a foreign hand on my thigh
I turn to see who is the culprit
But the sight of him turned me on, just a little bit
He winks, and seductively licks his lips
I smile and I whisper, “I think you should move this”
He nods, then obliges but drags his hand over my thigh
I take a deep breath and let out a medium pitched sigh
“What’s wrong baby,” my man says with sincere concern.
“Oh nothing love.” He smiles, then back towards the screen his attention turns
Now this mystery man is rubbing my naked thigh
Chills are running up and down my spine.
I want to tell him to stop, because this is so wrong
But the thrill of the unknown is turning me on
His fingertips danced higher up my thigh
And when I crossed my legs, it was like whispering “come inside”
The angle that I am sitting allows his hand up my skirt
His fingers dance across my panties making the throbbing worse
Somehow, I don’t know what he did, but his finger slid inside
He was massaging my walls with each stroke and the pleasure was becoming harder to hide
“Baby, I’m hungry. I’m going to concession I’ll bring you something to eat.”
I nodded and smiled, as he left just in time for my ecstasy to be released.
As soon as he was out of sight, the one who was making me cum
Dropped down to his knees, and said “let me get that up with my tongue”
Without hesitation he spread my legs and lapped up every drop
It took all that I had not to let out scream because the lashing seemed to never stop
Finally he was done and my leg continued to shake.
He stared at me and whispered, “you do look as good as you taste.”
My man returns with drinks and food and says, “I’m sorry I took so long.”
I said, “That’s ok, I barely noticed you were gone.”

...

Have you ever felt the increasing desire to erase your existence from this earth? Periodically, those feelings come crashing into me. I wonder what would the people I care about lives be like if I never were. I also wonder if it would be better if I just chose not to exist now. To just wake up one morning, get in my car and drive. Not telling a soul where I am not even knowing where I am going. But the thought of being so alone with my thoughts terrifies me so much more. I mean I look at the pages of my life's book and I see good, great, but right now I seem to be engulfed in the painful. Imagine that for the last 34 months I have been miserable. The minimal amounts of happiness I've felt seems to cause triple the pain. I've felt no joy, no peace, for if its not one thing, it's another.

For starters why can't I love the person who loves me the way he deserves to be love? Why can't I be for him what he needs? I mean he loves the hell outta me, but I keep hurting him over and over. I need to just leave so he can find the right person, but I don't want to be without that kind of love, but its not fair to him. I want to be everything for him, but I for some reason don't know how to be.

Being a parent was the only thing keeping me sane, but now that they're not here anymore, I have lost all sanity. I am angry and sad all the time. Please don't underestimate ALL. I don't have good days, I have good hours or moments. I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself.

I'm losing at this life thing and I don't know how to turn it around.