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Tuesday, November 10, 2009


Why do people cheat on their significant other? This topic caused a heated pseudo debate on my good friend's facebook status comment link. The opinions varied across the spectrum, all in all most people agree, this is not a simple question to answer. It varies across the spectrum and no situation is the same in most cases.

However, it was the bitterness surrounding the topic that intrigued me the most. The sound of someone who has probably been cheated on and had their heart stomped on. Woo Woo Woo Boo, its happened to almost everyone. And there's a 98% probability you've cheated on someone. Before you get all high and mighty on me, let me start over and explain the rules of MY blog.

I'll start by defining some key terms. Significant other will include any person with whom you are supposed to be monogomous with and share a level of intimacy. So married, dating, or whatever. Cheating = anything done that violates a level of trust between you and your significant other causing you to feel the need to hide it or lie about it. Now that the basics are in place, let's get it on!

Now why do people cheat? Honestly, I believe cheating is a reflection of an unfilled void. It's like a hunger, when your body craves food, it sends a signal to your brain, thus you say "I'm hungry" now we do have a choice whether or not we feed it, but the longer we wait the body increases the signal's output. Then comes hunger pains, now you're hungry, and the pain has kicked in and if you continue to hold out, that embarrassing growling begins. Yet in instances where we may not be able to supply the food, the body takes it upon itself to reproduce fat and nurish itself on that. Now, for those of you who are health fanatics or science majors you know this is not a good thing. Over time, if we continue to neglect the body and not feed it, it will begin to break down causing weakness, and or disease to set in. Should we hold out just long enough we will inevitably die. That is a fact.

Now that I have taken you on that little journey replace hunger with cheating and use food and some form of emotional metaphor. Add a word here and there and you will come up with a similar answer to the original question. When a person cheats something is missing in the relationship whether it is personally (not happy with oneself, selfish, greedy, etc) or its collective not getting whatever he/she needs out the relationship. At some point if there is a void and the significant other cannot or does not fill it, either someone will cheat, the relationship will die, or the person with the void will begin to suffer emotionally and eventually that too could cause physical illness.

You see, in my honest, non professional opinion cheating for some is a means to an end. Someone is looking for something he/she has not been able to find. Also, cheating sometimes provides a new perspective, because if you find yourself in either position the cheater or the cheated on there is a lesson to be learned. A. This person is not for you in which case you do not have to waste another minute on them and you're free to be with someone who can and will love you the way you need to be loved. B. You were selfishly taking care of your needs and neglecting those of your partner. C. The person you were with is just not the one for you, and eventhough it hurts, it just is that way. There are many, many more lessons that could be learned, but you get the gist.

Again, in my honest, non professional opinion 98% of us have cheated. (Refer to my earlier definition) We have done something we felt the need to hide or felt slightly guilty about and anything we hide from our significant other is cheating. Whether it be flirtatious texts, emails, phone convos, etc. Anything we've done. Fantasizing about someone else while we're with our significant other all cheating in my opinion. That's why I find it funny when people want to judge others for cheating when there's a huge probability that you too have partaken in cheating. Sex is not the only way to cheat, but any type of intimacy with someone other than your "boo" is cheating, so I say check yourself before you play judge and jury.

Now does this blog answer the question as to why people cheat, maybe...maybe not; but hopefully it gives a little insight on the concept of cheating. I in no way am trying to glorify cheating, but I am a strong believer in "he who sits in judgment has only yet to be judged." Like someone told me, take every heartache as life's lesson so you don't repeat it in the future.

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