As a follow up to the previous blog. I'm still no better. But I'm clear on what I need to do. I need to let go and move on, I mean not everyone ends up with their soulmate living in total happiness right? CORRECT!!
I'm just relocating to the nearest bottle for the time being. I'm going to work and just live and eventually one day I'll wake up and this will all be a faded memory or at least a blur.
I can fill my bed with a different person each night if I want or I can just find that one consistent lay who allows me to call upon his services whenever I so choose. Yeah, I think that sounds more my speed. As long as he doesn't go catching feelings I think we'll be alright, because the moment he says "I feel or my feelings" he's gone faster than Usain Bolt running the 100.
As for my other behaviors, ah that's yet to reveal itself. I told someone "I'm not in a good place right now nor do I intend to be anytime soon." Shortly after saying that I realized I haven't been in a good place in a long time, and that's how I ended up right where I am now. Trying to get out of a bad place into a good one led me to a worse place.
You know you're in a bad place when you're always a whisper from crying or a steak away from slitting your wrists. And when your only way to sleep is to hopefully pass out in a semi drunken haze you're probably in a bad place. Yet people keep coming to me for help or advice. Can't you see my life is already fucked up? Maybe I hide it so well that the only people who know the truth are reading this blog.
How do you know you're in a worse place? When you come to realization that the last time you laughed, or smiled and meant it was when you were with them and now they're with someone else.