I grab the phone, checking my text messages
It’s you asking me about today’s stressful events
Telling me everything will work out for me
And even if it doesn’t right here is where you’ll be
I’ve called you crying and you verbally dry my tears
From 3000 miles away you manage to alleviate my fears
But I know nothing can come of this
You’re my best friend…I know what it is
Still every time my phone rings I subconsciously pray it’s you
Can’t lie, consciously I hope the same thing too
But you’re my friend and those are hard to find
Maybe us having slept together is why I’ve blurred the lines
Doesn’t matter now, what’s done is done right?
Guess that’s why my dreams defer to you every night.
I take sleeping pills to mask my dreams
But I awake restless, so in you I find rest it seems.
Fell in love with your flaws
So when you start trippin I never get pissed off
See you as perfect, knowing that you’re not
Every time I look at you temporarily my heart…stops.
Gotta catch my breath
But for a glimpse I’d risk death
Checking those feeling because you’re my best friend
I look in the mirror and tell myself to never feel this way again.
When you need something it’s on me you call
In my role as best friend, I hold you up every time you fall
Constantly, checking myself cause I’ve never fallen for a friend
Never ever have I felt this for anyone else, but then again you’re not them
Support your every decision even when I don’t agree
No matter where you look, you’ll find none better than me.
Why can’t you see in me, what I see in you?
Probably cause we’re best friends and that’s not what best friends do.
Even with the distance between us I know I’ve made you a better man
But that’s equally returned you’ve made me a better woman.
No matter what you say to me you always make my day bright
Whether you’re telling me I’m wrong or if I’m absolutely right.
You never sugar coat shit you tell me just how it is
But you always check your tone in regards to my feelings
When things go bad you’re the first one I want to call
When things go well, you’re the one I want to tell all
In order to shake this, I have to put some distance between us
Not in miles, but in mind so with myself this I discuss.
No communication with you makes all my days sour
I find myself checking my phone every hour on the hour
Days go by, maybe 2 or 3
I don’t say a word, but you hit up me
Seeing your name brings everything back
The color to my skin and the smile my face has lacked
Guilt encompasses me for needing you the way I do
For me, need is the equivalent of me being in love with you
Don’t understand why my feelings for my best friend are so strong
I’m in uncharted waters, yet this doesn’t feel wrong.
“Keep the friendship; lose the love” I keep telling myself
Yet no matter how much I plead, my heart wants no one else.
So one night drunken tongue speaks a sober mind and I confess
Only to find a mere reply of questions which revealed so much less
Immediately regret rushes over me like a cool breeze
But it’s too late to retract these things
Tears run down my face
Like a NASCAR race
Now I’ve lost my best friend because things will never be the same
I cringe at the mere mention of your name
Not out of disgust, but because of the loss
Wish I’d never let my heart take on the role as boss
I’d still have him even if it was just as a friend
Now, I’m stuck alone with just my thoughts who long for only him
No one will ever be able to take his place
Or fill his space
I just hope I never find myself in this position again
In love with, missing, and having lost my best friend.