About Me

Friday, April 24, 2009


What is it like loving someone you cannot have?
It’s the worst feeling in the world.
When you’re more than friends, but not quite in a relationship.
It’s as confusing as a mirror filled maze.
Listening to them proclaim their love for you
Watching them give their love to someone else,
Inflicts a pain too intense to express.
You’re always the one he runs to when the shit goes down
And you’re always there
Is it a foolish waste of time?
Are they?
You convince yourself that this can never be true
You feel like you should be there whenever they need you,
It is who you are
They are never there for you
Unless it suits them,
Is necessary to keep your unparalleled devotion
What is it built off of?
Why are they worthy of it?
When their situation settles,
They leave you,
Run back to her.
So, why do you stay around?
Why do you offer him your shoulder when he has hers?
Is it so hard for him to exhaust the boundaries of his relationship with her?
Why must he ring my phone at 2 am when his life is in disarray?
Isn’t she lying next to him?
Or at least in the next room?
Why me?
Who am I?
I am the one who hides in the shadows,
Rejoicing in his successes
Consoling him in his losses
Encouraging him after his failures
My moments with him are few.
Why is it so easy for you to keep coming to me?
Do I make myself readily available?
If I were more unavailable would you cling to me, as I have to you?
Is it so hard for you to leave her?
What does she offer that I am not providing?
Should I just leave you alone?
You claim that what you feel for me is stronger than anything you have ever felt for her
Yet she holds the title
I wear the shame.
You have my heart
I gave it to you
Not willingly, but honestly.
As much as I want it back
I want you to have it.
When you continue to walk all over it with no regard of my feelings?
Why do I still allow you to possess my life force?
When you pick me up,
Put me down,
And toss me to the side like a doll?
There has to be a method to this madness
Were we meant to fall in love?
Or am I just obsessed with the idea of love,
Which has caused me to fall for someone unable to truly love me?
Is it that you lust after me?
And I for you?
Maybe that holds true for you,
But for me
It is so much more.
I find myself up late at night wondering where you are.
I spend the majority of my days waiting for your call
Your text
Your email
Your affirmation that I matter to you.
I crave your touch
Even when I have others to fill the void
I still feel empty
Because it’s not you
I want you
I need you
I love you.
But why?
When we can’t be together.
Many others try,
But you have succeeded
Is it fate?
Is it destiny?
Just blind stupidity?
Every time one of us tries to walk away;
Someone’s hurt consumes them,
Someone looks back
Someone turns around
Someone can’t let go.
Why do we keep doing this to each other?
Better yet…
Why do you keep doing this to me?
Leaving fingerprints and scars on my heart
That some other man will try to heal,
should I ever be able to tear myself away from you.
As much as I hate the pain,
I love the pleasure
I desire it.
I desire you.
I’ve fallen in love with you.
How did I let this happen?
Just when my heart had healed
I met you
And it’s destroying me.
So I ask you,
If I let go, will you let go?
Can we let go?
Doesn’t she need you?
Don’t I need you too?
Do we belong together?
Don’t we fit so perfectly?
If so, what is keeping us apart?
Are we an accident of circumstance?
Were you meant to be a leaf in my life?
Am trying to force you to be a tree?
Is that why it hurts so much?
Never seeing all of my hard work come into fruition.
Why were we allowed to love each other, when it can never be realized?
Why has my heart betrayed me?
However, as much as my heart loves to love you
My head knows it’s wrong
My heart is breaking
My head is swimming
My soul knows the truth
In a perfect world we would be together.
Since it’s not,
I guess we can’t?
So many questions.

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