About Me

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


I was talking to someone important to me and they told me they believe they’re depressed. Now I had to take a double take when he said it because this is the same person who laughed at me when I confessed that I was depressed and I feel like I don’t know who I have become. Wow. So, I sat back and listened to him continue on about his situation and I honestly felt sympathetic, because more than he will ever understand I understood him. But I couldn’t help but periodically think to myself, why is this concept so conceivable now, but when I confided in him he blew me off? Not to mention that he told me I need to toughen up. Hmmmm...(For future reference it’s never a good idea to tell someone who is or believes they maybe depressed to “toughen up”. That confirms the feelings of uselessness and helplessness.)

He went on to say how he had looked up the symptoms of depression and realized that he identified with nearly all of the symptoms both physical and emotional. I, in turn, looked them up and I can honestly say I do see it in him. I can’t lie, I didn’t say anything 1st because he was trying to come face to face with his issues and 2nd because I didn’t know exactly what to say. But there is a 3rd reason and that’s because I was pissed by the way he now wants me to understand and accept his behavior.

So, I attempted to offer him some advice like: going to see a doctor and maybe getting on some meds temporarily and he goes on this tirade about how he doesn’t like doing that, and how he’s too strong for that. Again I got pissed because I did go and see someone and I did take meds for about a month and he knew that. I felt like he was taking another shot at me. He even went on to say well when you were (and he did the air quotations) depressed your reasons weren’t like mine. You can get over that. I felt some kind of way about it, and it hurt me. However, I didn’t react; I just got out of the car and went to work. I just didn't understand and I was angry.

As I sit here writing this, I’ve had time to think and synthesize the whole conversation. Devaluing someone else’s problems or situations is a selfish act. And focusing on his reaction to my admission was wrong, but he belittling me and my choice of treatment was no better. This drives me to believe that we are unsuitable to be in each others lives as friends or otherwise. Why? Because this is constant with us, he doesn’t sympathize with me unless he deems it worthy and every time I try to be of assistance to him, he tells me all the ways I am wrong. He no longer shows interest in the things of importance to me and I’ve started being so vengeful and acting the same way towards him. That is childish and wrong. I have even gotten to the point where I don’t even try to help or tell him anything because I don’t want to fight about it. I’m tired of going to useless war fronts when there are other things I could be doing. “You can’t fight with someone if you’re the only one in the ring.” I’m forfeiting the fight. I’m tired.

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