3312010

It’s been 350 days 5 hours and 1 minute since my heart realized it was in love with you
But it has only been 90 days 3 hours and 14 minutes since my head conceded to what my heart has known for quite some time.
Yet I have spent the last 252 days 8 hours and 16 minutes trying to get rid of you
I have made love to another man
I have told him I love him
But it’s your face I’m seeing
It’s to you I’m confessing
Because I can never find the nerve to say it to you

Infinite times I’ve imagined the possibilities

Infinite times I’ve denied the possibilities
I don’t feel worthy
To have you
To love you
To have you love me
I belong to someone else
But I want to belong to you
I have never wanted and needed someone
I’ve wanted someone
I’ve thought I needed someone
But never both simultaneously
Until I met you
You’re like air to me
Without you I would cease to exist
I would trade all of my possessions to have a lifetime of love with you
209 days 16 hours 33 minutes ago you shattered my world
When you told me you met someone else
And she was a “good girl”
I shared in your joy on the outside
While my insides resembled a nuclear warfare playground
I had never felt so much pain in my life
But it confirmed what I always knew
The way I felt for you was not healthy
So I threw myself into him
Yet 166days 23 hours 45 minutes ago I found myself in your arms
I never gave a second thought about “her”
Whether “she” was still in your life
I just knew that there was no other place in the world for me
I don’t like having no control of my feelings
I haven’t sincerely smiled since the last time I saw you
165 days 10 hours and 44 minutes ago
I decided I would put you out of my life forever
Because I realized I would never be happy without you
And I no longer existed for myself, but for you
And that’s not fair
I only lasted 14 days 22 hours 19 minutes
Before I had to hear from you,
Because I felt like I was smothering.
I cried everyday and every night,
I didn’t eat or sleep
I made my self so sick my fever was 102
13 hours and 30 minutes ago I lay awake in my bed
Missing you like water in the desert
Needing you like a car needs an engine
Feeling for you like a baby for his mother
I’m imprisoned to my feelings for you
And I don’t know how to break free.
Maybe I can start from today and rid my life of you
1 minute ago you texted me
Here we go again.